Oh goodness....this is going to be a HARD post for me. I have gone back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth again, on whether or not I'm doing the right thing for my family. Maybe putting it out there for the world to see may make me feel better about it. And then again, maybe not.
I have been blessed to be able to stay home with my children since they were born (for the most part). Sure, I have worked jobs here and there. Mainly to get out of the house for awhile and to try to meet some friends. Why can't making friends be as easy as it was when we were 5?!? "Hi, my name is Andrea. What's your name? Want to be my friend?" If only! Growing up is hard!!
Anyway, getting back on point. I've been a stay at home mom for many years now. I was actually working at a job I absolutely LOVED. I was a receptionist at a local vet clinic for about a year. It was an amazing experience. I am obsessed with dogs, and seeing them every day was so much fun! I learned a lot from working there. Unfortunately, I had to quit. With my husbands job and work schedule it was affecting our family life. My husband works out of town during the week, third shift. We have made it work, and we have had some rather difficult moments because of it, but I am truly grateful for his job and the opportunity it provides to me to be able to stay at home with the kids.
The reason I've gone back and forth about whether or not I'm making the right decision is because I come from a family that works hard. Not saying everybody's family doesn't. My mom has always held more than one job and my dad has worked hard his entire life. I always feel like I should be contributing more to my family, and I don't really feel like I'm contributing unless it is in a financial way. Which I know is a ridiculous way to think.
When I was working, my kids weren't able to go out for many extra-curricular activities. With my husband out of town, and the work schedule I had, it was hard to get them anywhere. I know, I know, there are single parents out there that make it work all the time. But if I am able to stay home with them and be able to get them to extra activities, then I am going to do that because I want their childhood to be so special. I also feel better knowing that I am spending as much time with my kids as I can while they are young because that's time that I will never get back from them.
If you were to ask me if I am proud of my "work". All I would have to do is simply look at my thriving, healthy, full of life, children and know that I couldn't be MORE proud of the work that I am doing.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Hobbies
This post will be quite interesting, considering my husband always tells me that I "need a hobby". When in all reality, I feel that I have numerous hobbies that keep me busy when I'm not tending to the kids. My husband has a broad range of hobbies that keep him occupied. He always seems to be able to keep himself entertained. Whether it's playing a video game, hunting, fishing, or grilling (he's very serious when it comes to this method of cooking!), he is ALWAYS finding ways to keep him busy!
My hobbies are quite different than my husbands. I mean, sure, I like to fish occasionally. I don't think my husband is all that thrilled with me doing it because he is always the one putting the worms on, and taking the fish off. That's for the kids too, so needless to say, when the whole family goes fishing, my husband doesn't get to do much of it himself. Sorry babe!
My hobbies tend to be a bit more low-key. I LOVE to read. Reading is my absolute, most favorite thing in this entire, huge world, that I LOVE. I get that some people just aren't into it. In fact, a lot of times, it's hard for me to get into a book when I first start it. But, oh that feeling, when it suddenly hooks you in and you cannot, will not, absolutely refuse to put that book down! If only I could take readers away with my words. Let them live carefree through the characters in my head. If I could do any one job, and money was no option, I would either be an author, or own a book store. One can always dream I suppose!
Another one of my hobbies, and I've just recently picked this one up, is painting. I still have A LOT to learn about it. In fact, I've only done one painting, and it's not even finished yet. But I work on it a little at a time. It's an odd feeling, coming up with ideas a tiny bit at a time. I don't know when it will be finished, but I'm sure I will "know".
The last hobby that I will share with you, is gardening. Growing up, my mom and dad always had a garden. Some years, they were huge, others not so much. Regardless, there was usually always a garden. So this year, I decided to give one a shot myself. Sure, it's time consuming, but it is also so relaxing. I love that my kids are able to watch us and help us grow our own food. I love that we started it from seeds and they were able to come down to the garden and check on it's progress with me! My daughter is an extremely picky eater, but she is eating more veggies right now because she helped grow them! It may not seem like a big deal to everybody, but it's a huge deal to me!
I have to say, I love the little hobbies I have. You're right, they aren't very active hobbies, and they aren't very exciting hobbies, but they are what makes me happy in this little corner of the world that I live in.
My hobbies are quite different than my husbands. I mean, sure, I like to fish occasionally. I don't think my husband is all that thrilled with me doing it because he is always the one putting the worms on, and taking the fish off. That's for the kids too, so needless to say, when the whole family goes fishing, my husband doesn't get to do much of it himself. Sorry babe!
My hobbies tend to be a bit more low-key. I LOVE to read. Reading is my absolute, most favorite thing in this entire, huge world, that I LOVE. I get that some people just aren't into it. In fact, a lot of times, it's hard for me to get into a book when I first start it. But, oh that feeling, when it suddenly hooks you in and you cannot, will not, absolutely refuse to put that book down! If only I could take readers away with my words. Let them live carefree through the characters in my head. If I could do any one job, and money was no option, I would either be an author, or own a book store. One can always dream I suppose!
Another one of my hobbies, and I've just recently picked this one up, is painting. I still have A LOT to learn about it. In fact, I've only done one painting, and it's not even finished yet. But I work on it a little at a time. It's an odd feeling, coming up with ideas a tiny bit at a time. I don't know when it will be finished, but I'm sure I will "know".
The last hobby that I will share with you, is gardening. Growing up, my mom and dad always had a garden. Some years, they were huge, others not so much. Regardless, there was usually always a garden. So this year, I decided to give one a shot myself. Sure, it's time consuming, but it is also so relaxing. I love that my kids are able to watch us and help us grow our own food. I love that we started it from seeds and they were able to come down to the garden and check on it's progress with me! My daughter is an extremely picky eater, but she is eating more veggies right now because she helped grow them! It may not seem like a big deal to everybody, but it's a huge deal to me!
I have to say, I love the little hobbies I have. You're right, they aren't very active hobbies, and they aren't very exciting hobbies, but they are what makes me happy in this little corner of the world that I live in.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
To And Fro
Ahhhh, my second post for the day. I will admit, it feels nice to actually be writing again. Granted, I'm not the best at it, and I'm still getting used to put everything out there for anybody to read, however; this challenge is really helping me to open up and to see things in a different light. My goodness did I need that!
This post was actually a little challenging because it has to do with something that I typically don't think about, well....really ever. I guess I truly have never thought it about much. Today's gratitude post is about transportation. Transportation?? What in the world?! I guess I always took it for granted because it's just there. I've never not been able to get where I needed to get to.
I'm obviously going to start with the most obvious. Walking!!! The ability to use my legs to get to where I need to go. Like I said, I've never really thought about it because it's never been an issue for me. With that being said, I could not imagine not having that ability, and my heart truly breaks for the people who aren't able to use their legs. Of course, they have amazing capabilities out there to get you from place to place, wheelchairs, prosthetics, what have you. I can honestly say that this is something that I will pay more attention to. Something that I NEED to pay more attention to.
Your body is your vessel. I know that when you're growing up you hear your family preach to you how important it is that you take care of your body because you only get one. "Be sure to eat healthy, be sure you exercise, be sure you take care of yourself!" And it's so SO true! I guess the older you get, the more you realize it. I need to start taking more time out of my day to treat myself better. After all, I want to be around for my kids, my grand kids, and if I'm lucky, my great grand kids.
Not only am I thankful for my ability to walk, but I am also thankful for the many other ways there are to get to and fro. Could you even begin to imagine how you would feel if you were able to see the first car made and working? The first airplane to fly? The ability to get us from one state to another, let alone one country to another?? UNBELIEVABLE!! Technology can truly be amazing!
Whatever mode of transportation you are thankful for, be sure to utilize it, and be sure to be thankful for the little ways you can travel. The walking, running, skipping, jumping. Be thankful that the good Lord has blessed us with so many abilities to use our bodies and our brains for anything we feel that we can do!
This post was actually a little challenging because it has to do with something that I typically don't think about, well....really ever. I guess I truly have never thought it about much. Today's gratitude post is about transportation. Transportation?? What in the world?! I guess I always took it for granted because it's just there. I've never not been able to get where I needed to get to.
I'm obviously going to start with the most obvious. Walking!!! The ability to use my legs to get to where I need to go. Like I said, I've never really thought about it because it's never been an issue for me. With that being said, I could not imagine not having that ability, and my heart truly breaks for the people who aren't able to use their legs. Of course, they have amazing capabilities out there to get you from place to place, wheelchairs, prosthetics, what have you. I can honestly say that this is something that I will pay more attention to. Something that I NEED to pay more attention to.
Your body is your vessel. I know that when you're growing up you hear your family preach to you how important it is that you take care of your body because you only get one. "Be sure to eat healthy, be sure you exercise, be sure you take care of yourself!" And it's so SO true! I guess the older you get, the more you realize it. I need to start taking more time out of my day to treat myself better. After all, I want to be around for my kids, my grand kids, and if I'm lucky, my great grand kids.
Not only am I thankful for my ability to walk, but I am also thankful for the many other ways there are to get to and fro. Could you even begin to imagine how you would feel if you were able to see the first car made and working? The first airplane to fly? The ability to get us from one state to another, let alone one country to another?? UNBELIEVABLE!! Technology can truly be amazing!
Whatever mode of transportation you are thankful for, be sure to utilize it, and be sure to be thankful for the little ways you can travel. The walking, running, skipping, jumping. Be thankful that the good Lord has blessed us with so many abilities to use our bodies and our brains for anything we feel that we can do!
Something I Do Every Day...
Sorry about not being able to post yesterday. I was hoping to catch up on some much needed rest after this crazy week. I will say that I was able to get a bit more sleep last night than I have all week, so I am absolutely thankful for that! So, my plan is to write a post this afternoon and my second post this evening to be all caught up!
My post this afternoon will be about something that I'm grateful for that I do every day. Which should be so easy right? Well, I am blessed to say that when I sat down to think about it, I was thankful for MORE than one thing that I'm able to do everyday! It was actually a little hard to narrow it down to just one. Of course, I am thankful that I am alive, and that I have my health, family, and friends. I am thankful for my wonderful, loving husband, and my full of life, keep every day interesting, children!
The one thing I am thankful for that I get to do everyday is our "Peak and Pit" of the day. Okay, okay, I would be fibbing if I told you we did this EVERY day, because we don't. I mean, life gets busy and sometimes we just aren't able to sit around a dining room table for dinner and are eating on the go in between practices, or traveling. But, when we sit down to dinner most nights, we do what we call our "Peak and Pit" of the day. Every one of us goes around the table and tells the rest about the best part of our day, and why. Then we follow with the lowest part of our day, and why. I enjoy it because it gives me a look into my kids lives and lets me know what makes them tick. What makes their smiles so much bigger, and the little things I would never guess, that make their hearts break.
I love that my kids are comfortable enough to talk to my husband and I about any issues that they are having or anything that makes them smile. I honestly believe the saying that I heard once, and it will be loosely translated here, "Listen to the little things that your children say, because someday the little things become the big things." I'm not perfect at that, and I know most people aren't. It's hard to listen to EVERY thing that comes out of those sweet little mouths! Ha! But I try with all of my might, to make eye contact with them and really hold on to their attention when they do share things with me, because I don't want them to feel that they can't tell me anything.
I am truly blessed to feel comfortable in knowing that my kids can talk to us about anything. That's all I've ever wanted in life, is for my kids not to feel like they have to hide things from their parents. I want us to be their safe place always.
My post this afternoon will be about something that I'm grateful for that I do every day. Which should be so easy right? Well, I am blessed to say that when I sat down to think about it, I was thankful for MORE than one thing that I'm able to do everyday! It was actually a little hard to narrow it down to just one. Of course, I am thankful that I am alive, and that I have my health, family, and friends. I am thankful for my wonderful, loving husband, and my full of life, keep every day interesting, children!
The one thing I am thankful for that I get to do everyday is our "Peak and Pit" of the day. Okay, okay, I would be fibbing if I told you we did this EVERY day, because we don't. I mean, life gets busy and sometimes we just aren't able to sit around a dining room table for dinner and are eating on the go in between practices, or traveling. But, when we sit down to dinner most nights, we do what we call our "Peak and Pit" of the day. Every one of us goes around the table and tells the rest about the best part of our day, and why. Then we follow with the lowest part of our day, and why. I enjoy it because it gives me a look into my kids lives and lets me know what makes them tick. What makes their smiles so much bigger, and the little things I would never guess, that make their hearts break.
I love that my kids are comfortable enough to talk to my husband and I about any issues that they are having or anything that makes them smile. I honestly believe the saying that I heard once, and it will be loosely translated here, "Listen to the little things that your children say, because someday the little things become the big things." I'm not perfect at that, and I know most people aren't. It's hard to listen to EVERY thing that comes out of those sweet little mouths! Ha! But I try with all of my might, to make eye contact with them and really hold on to their attention when they do share things with me, because I don't want them to feel that they can't tell me anything.
I am truly blessed to feel comfortable in knowing that my kids can talk to us about anything. That's all I've ever wanted in life, is for my kids not to feel like they have to hide things from their parents. I want us to be their safe place always.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Something I See Everyday....
Today's gratitude post is going to be about something I see everyday. My "something" is my wonderful, brilliant, caring husband. I honestly could not be more grateful for the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. For the man who is the most outstanding father to our children.
I have been going through some health issues this week, and my husband has been right by my side the entire time. Now, I'm not saying that is the only reason I am grateful for him, because Lord knows, it's not. I can truthfully say that I thank the good Lord for him every single day.
I am unbelievably lucky to have a man that would rather spend his down time with me and the kids. Somebody who is always looking for things to do as a family rather than wanting to run the town with his friends. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with spending time apart and spending time with your friends by any means. It just means the world to me that he would rather be with me and our kids than anybody else.
I am lucky enough to be able to stay home and take care of our kids because of his opportunity to provide for us as a family. I'll be the first to admit, that I could probably be a better homemaker. I mean, we all have things we can improve on right? Yet, he doesn't complain about any of it! He's just happy to come home to me, to us.
I don't know what I would do without him. He is my rock, my best friend, my all time number one supporter, and the one who keeps me stable when I start getting a little nutty lol! We are pretty opposite, but I believe that is what balances us out and makes us such a great couple. Sure, we have had our ups and downs, what couple hasn't? But I believe in fixing something instead of just throwing it away. After all, I did make a vow to spend my life with him, loving him through all the good and bad times. And he has stuck by me through everything. I know that there will be rocky times ahead. After all, life isn't a fairytale like they make you believe in all the books. And we will be there for each other, standing strong, and making it through whatever is thrown our way.
My hope is that both of my children are able to find a love like ours. It's not perfect, but it's perfect for us, and it makes my whole world so much brighter, happier, and loving. In fact, my hope is that everybody is able to find a love like that. One that makes them so grateful for the person they chose to spend their life with.
I have been going through some health issues this week, and my husband has been right by my side the entire time. Now, I'm not saying that is the only reason I am grateful for him, because Lord knows, it's not. I can truthfully say that I thank the good Lord for him every single day.
I am unbelievably lucky to have a man that would rather spend his down time with me and the kids. Somebody who is always looking for things to do as a family rather than wanting to run the town with his friends. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with spending time apart and spending time with your friends by any means. It just means the world to me that he would rather be with me and our kids than anybody else.
I am lucky enough to be able to stay home and take care of our kids because of his opportunity to provide for us as a family. I'll be the first to admit, that I could probably be a better homemaker. I mean, we all have things we can improve on right? Yet, he doesn't complain about any of it! He's just happy to come home to me, to us.
I don't know what I would do without him. He is my rock, my best friend, my all time number one supporter, and the one who keeps me stable when I start getting a little nutty lol! We are pretty opposite, but I believe that is what balances us out and makes us such a great couple. Sure, we have had our ups and downs, what couple hasn't? But I believe in fixing something instead of just throwing it away. After all, I did make a vow to spend my life with him, loving him through all the good and bad times. And he has stuck by me through everything. I know that there will be rocky times ahead. After all, life isn't a fairytale like they make you believe in all the books. And we will be there for each other, standing strong, and making it through whatever is thrown our way.
My hope is that both of my children are able to find a love like ours. It's not perfect, but it's perfect for us, and it makes my whole world so much brighter, happier, and loving. In fact, my hope is that everybody is able to find a love like that. One that makes them so grateful for the person they chose to spend their life with.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Nature
Well, here I am on what's supposed to be day 2 of my blog challenge and I've already managed to skip a day. However, I do have a good excuse for it because I've been in and out of the emergency room for the past three days, so I do apologize about not keeping up as well as I said I was going to! If I even have any readers to apologize to! Ha!
So back to my post....I'm going to be talking about why I am grateful for nature. First off, what is NOT to be grateful about nature! I have honestly been paying more attention to my surroundings and taking in the sights I see daily that I typically take for granted.
I would have to say that my favorite thing to do in the spring, summer, and fall in Wisconsin is to take my morning cup of coffee and sit on my back porch and watch the birds, rabbits, squirrels, turkeys, and occasionally, deer, in my back yard. Its so peaceful and calming to my soul. I secretly love to watch the red tailed hawks and the eagles soar up in that beautiful morning sky. It makes me feel so free.
I know I didn't say that I love sitting out there in the winter, but I mean, do you really blame me?! Who wants to sit outside in negative degree weather! ;) However, I do enjoy the winter as well. I love how the cold weather makes me want to grab a warm mug of cider or tea and snuggle on the couch with my family with my fireplace going. Or I love watching a light snow fall on a crisp winter day. I am also certainly not opposed to the occasional raging snowstorm that keeps us stranded for a few days as well. The glitter of a new snow as the sun hits it in just the right way. I adore that...after all, I do love things that are sparkly!
I think if you look, and you don't even have to look hard, there are numerous things you can be grateful for in nature every single day. Mother nature has given us a fantastic portrait to view that changes daily. It's just a reminder that this great big planet we live on is something that can make us smile in the hardest of days if we just look long enough.
So back to my post....I'm going to be talking about why I am grateful for nature. First off, what is NOT to be grateful about nature! I have honestly been paying more attention to my surroundings and taking in the sights I see daily that I typically take for granted.
I would have to say that my favorite thing to do in the spring, summer, and fall in Wisconsin is to take my morning cup of coffee and sit on my back porch and watch the birds, rabbits, squirrels, turkeys, and occasionally, deer, in my back yard. Its so peaceful and calming to my soul. I secretly love to watch the red tailed hawks and the eagles soar up in that beautiful morning sky. It makes me feel so free.
I know I didn't say that I love sitting out there in the winter, but I mean, do you really blame me?! Who wants to sit outside in negative degree weather! ;) However, I do enjoy the winter as well. I love how the cold weather makes me want to grab a warm mug of cider or tea and snuggle on the couch with my family with my fireplace going. Or I love watching a light snow fall on a crisp winter day. I am also certainly not opposed to the occasional raging snowstorm that keeps us stranded for a few days as well. The glitter of a new snow as the sun hits it in just the right way. I adore that...after all, I do love things that are sparkly!
I think if you look, and you don't even have to look hard, there are numerous things you can be grateful for in nature every single day. Mother nature has given us a fantastic portrait to view that changes daily. It's just a reminder that this great big planet we live on is something that can make us smile in the hardest of days if we just look long enough.
Monday, July 20, 2015
Home
I have decided that I am going to be more on top of my blogging. It's been over a year since I have last posted, and I LOVE writing! There is no reason that I should let life distract me of 15 minutes of my day to write my feelings.
I have decided to do a blog challenge on things I'm grateful for. I feel like it will help me with my outlook on life, which hasn't been the greatest lately, and make me appreciate everything a little bit more. I also feel that it will help me expand on my writing because that has grown a little rusty. And I'm so lucky to have such an amazing friend that is going to do the challenge along with me! She is such a brilliant writer, and I cannot wait to read her posts because she is such an influential person to me.
My first post is going to be about "Home". Home to me means many different things, or places. I know that I will always consider where my parents are to be "home". I currently live a few hours away from my parents and the town I grew up in. I am lucky enough to live close enough to be able to drive back and visit whenever I like though. There is something about that little area of Wisconsin that brings joy to me. Even though it's just a little area, that isn't very populated and doesn't really have a whole lot to do, it holds such a dear place in my heart. And I know that that feeling is associated with my family.
I come from a family that is very tight knit. So close in fact, it almost feels like we are more like siblings than cousins. We sure do fight like we are siblings anyway (ha ha ha!), but we are there for each other no matter what. I know I can come back to this area and feel at home always.
Home also means to me, wherever my husband and my two amazing children are. With my husbands job, we tend to move frequently. In fact, where we are now is the longest we have been anywhere, and it's only been 2.5 years! People ask me a lot if moving is hard on us, on the kids? Sure it is, moving is hard on anybody. With that being said, it also brings us experiences that we otherwise would not have had. It has introduced us to some of the most amazing people we have ever met. It has given my children and myself the chance to see different cultures and experience new things. That is something we will not get back.
So if you ask me what "home" means to me, I guess I would have to say that it's not so much as a place as a feeling. And I am beyond grateful that I can feel "home" in numerous places because of the family and friends that I have and have met along the way in the crazy life of mine!
I have decided to do a blog challenge on things I'm grateful for. I feel like it will help me with my outlook on life, which hasn't been the greatest lately, and make me appreciate everything a little bit more. I also feel that it will help me expand on my writing because that has grown a little rusty. And I'm so lucky to have such an amazing friend that is going to do the challenge along with me! She is such a brilliant writer, and I cannot wait to read her posts because she is such an influential person to me.
My first post is going to be about "Home". Home to me means many different things, or places. I know that I will always consider where my parents are to be "home". I currently live a few hours away from my parents and the town I grew up in. I am lucky enough to live close enough to be able to drive back and visit whenever I like though. There is something about that little area of Wisconsin that brings joy to me. Even though it's just a little area, that isn't very populated and doesn't really have a whole lot to do, it holds such a dear place in my heart. And I know that that feeling is associated with my family.
I come from a family that is very tight knit. So close in fact, it almost feels like we are more like siblings than cousins. We sure do fight like we are siblings anyway (ha ha ha!), but we are there for each other no matter what. I know I can come back to this area and feel at home always.
Home also means to me, wherever my husband and my two amazing children are. With my husbands job, we tend to move frequently. In fact, where we are now is the longest we have been anywhere, and it's only been 2.5 years! People ask me a lot if moving is hard on us, on the kids? Sure it is, moving is hard on anybody. With that being said, it also brings us experiences that we otherwise would not have had. It has introduced us to some of the most amazing people we have ever met. It has given my children and myself the chance to see different cultures and experience new things. That is something we will not get back.
So if you ask me what "home" means to me, I guess I would have to say that it's not so much as a place as a feeling. And I am beyond grateful that I can feel "home" in numerous places because of the family and friends that I have and have met along the way in the crazy life of mine!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Depression...
It's high time I be honest with myself. I've come to realize that I'm depressed. At least, I feel like I'm depressed. My husband can tell that something is definitely different about me. In fact, he said just this morning that I seem to be really negative a lot lately. Questioning his love for me, being extra needy. If I do something wrong, I dwell on it for days and can think of a hundred reasons why what I did messed up AGAIN. I have an absolutely horrible self esteem. That I've known for awhile now. And it's something that I am continuously working on. It seems like I take one step forward and two steps back every single time.
I have suffered on and off from depression since I was in high school. It actually came to a point where I was able to completely shut off any emotion whatsoever. I had been doing that for so long, that I honestly did not know I was even doing it. That is another thing that I'm working on as well. I want to be able to feel happy, feel joy, feel excitement, feel pain. Instead the only emotions I seem to be feeling as of late, are extreme sadness and irritability. Which is totally not fair to my children or my husband.
I know a lot of it comes from the fact that we moved from a place that I loved with my whole heart. Yes, it was really far away from my family, but what I lacked in family ties in Texas, my great and wonderful friends and extended family made up for. I still talked to my parents everyday on the phone. My kids were still able to see their grandparents at least once a week on Skype. I thought moving back to Wisconsin, being closer to family was going to be good for us. And it has been in some aspects. I'm able to go and visit my parents and in-laws whenever I want. But I am lacking the friendships. It's been over a year since we have moved and I still have yet to meet anybody new. I'm a stay at home mom, so I don't really get out to much to meet new people. But, I've been applying to different places to get a part time job. I would totally go full time, but with my husbands work schedule (third shift and travelling all week long), it would be impossible for me to get my kids to their extra curricular activities and appointments. I don't believe that it's fair to my kids to not be able to go out for football, gymnastics, baseball, what have you, because our work schedules don't allow for it. They shouldn't have to sacrifice their childhood because of our careers.
It's just difficult, moving every two years, trying to make new friends and new connections. It's hard on a person. And maybe this depression is because it's been such a long, treacherous winter. I mean seriously, 50+ odd days of below zero temps and 70+ inches of snow?!?!? A person can only take so much of that. I need the fresh air, I need the sun shining on my face. I need to be out in the yard with my kids gardening, playing tag, going for bike rides.
I need to feel better. I need to feel like me again.
I have suffered on and off from depression since I was in high school. It actually came to a point where I was able to completely shut off any emotion whatsoever. I had been doing that for so long, that I honestly did not know I was even doing it. That is another thing that I'm working on as well. I want to be able to feel happy, feel joy, feel excitement, feel pain. Instead the only emotions I seem to be feeling as of late, are extreme sadness and irritability. Which is totally not fair to my children or my husband.
I know a lot of it comes from the fact that we moved from a place that I loved with my whole heart. Yes, it was really far away from my family, but what I lacked in family ties in Texas, my great and wonderful friends and extended family made up for. I still talked to my parents everyday on the phone. My kids were still able to see their grandparents at least once a week on Skype. I thought moving back to Wisconsin, being closer to family was going to be good for us. And it has been in some aspects. I'm able to go and visit my parents and in-laws whenever I want. But I am lacking the friendships. It's been over a year since we have moved and I still have yet to meet anybody new. I'm a stay at home mom, so I don't really get out to much to meet new people. But, I've been applying to different places to get a part time job. I would totally go full time, but with my husbands work schedule (third shift and travelling all week long), it would be impossible for me to get my kids to their extra curricular activities and appointments. I don't believe that it's fair to my kids to not be able to go out for football, gymnastics, baseball, what have you, because our work schedules don't allow for it. They shouldn't have to sacrifice their childhood because of our careers.
It's just difficult, moving every two years, trying to make new friends and new connections. It's hard on a person. And maybe this depression is because it's been such a long, treacherous winter. I mean seriously, 50+ odd days of below zero temps and 70+ inches of snow?!?!? A person can only take so much of that. I need the fresh air, I need the sun shining on my face. I need to be out in the yard with my kids gardening, playing tag, going for bike rides.
I need to feel better. I need to feel like me again.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Judgy McJudgerson
This is going to be a total ranting post. A ranting post mainly because I need to get this off of my chest, and also because maybe if I put it out there, and look at it on paper, (well screen), I will maybe try to figure out a way to not let this bother me so much...
I know that everybody has family issues, and I love my family dearly! The main issue I'm having is I cannot STAND how judgmental some of my extended family is! I mean, I literally get anxiety the ONE time that we all get together every year because it's like they will look for anything negative in people. And I know that this is because they need to feel better about themselves, but it's bad when I'm harping at my husband about what he's wearing, and if he has a spot of dirt on his hand! I'm all over my kids to make sure they look their absolute best, you'd think we were on our way to church in our Sunday best the way I'm after them!
Now, anybody who knows me, knows that I'm not a judgmental person. Not in the slightest. I pretty much let my kids wear what they want in order to express themselves (obviously it has to be weather appropriate and age appropriate). I never tell my husband that he's not wearing this or not wearing that. I don't care if people are staring at my broken out face when we are out shopping or if every strand of hair is not in place. But I'm totally different when it comes to that side of my family.
I don't want to be that way. I don't want to look for the negative in every single person, ESPECIALLY the people I love the most. I don't want to become so materialistic that that becomes all I look at in anybody I meet. I want to stay me. I want to accept anybody and everybody with open arms. I want to form opinions on somebody after I learn their story. And even then, I will still have a hard time not liking you and finding the absolute best in you.
Now I just need to figure out how to move past this. How to learn to be myself in front of these people who are so unaccepting of anybody who doesn't fit into society's mold. If I'm anything, I'm definitely not the mold that society has placed on people these days. I'm weird, I'm awkward in front of groups of people. I sing almost everything that comes out of my mouth. I normally don't care what people think about me, and even though it takes a lot of time and effort to get to know me, I would definitely say that it's worth it! Ha! I just need to be confident in who I am around this part of my family, and not let these things bother me. Or just find a way to point it out to them because maybe they don't even realize that they are doing it? Something to think about I guess...
I know that everybody has family issues, and I love my family dearly! The main issue I'm having is I cannot STAND how judgmental some of my extended family is! I mean, I literally get anxiety the ONE time that we all get together every year because it's like they will look for anything negative in people. And I know that this is because they need to feel better about themselves, but it's bad when I'm harping at my husband about what he's wearing, and if he has a spot of dirt on his hand! I'm all over my kids to make sure they look their absolute best, you'd think we were on our way to church in our Sunday best the way I'm after them!
Now, anybody who knows me, knows that I'm not a judgmental person. Not in the slightest. I pretty much let my kids wear what they want in order to express themselves (obviously it has to be weather appropriate and age appropriate). I never tell my husband that he's not wearing this or not wearing that. I don't care if people are staring at my broken out face when we are out shopping or if every strand of hair is not in place. But I'm totally different when it comes to that side of my family.
I don't want to be that way. I don't want to look for the negative in every single person, ESPECIALLY the people I love the most. I don't want to become so materialistic that that becomes all I look at in anybody I meet. I want to stay me. I want to accept anybody and everybody with open arms. I want to form opinions on somebody after I learn their story. And even then, I will still have a hard time not liking you and finding the absolute best in you.
Now I just need to figure out how to move past this. How to learn to be myself in front of these people who are so unaccepting of anybody who doesn't fit into society's mold. If I'm anything, I'm definitely not the mold that society has placed on people these days. I'm weird, I'm awkward in front of groups of people. I sing almost everything that comes out of my mouth. I normally don't care what people think about me, and even though it takes a lot of time and effort to get to know me, I would definitely say that it's worth it! Ha! I just need to be confident in who I am around this part of my family, and not let these things bother me. Or just find a way to point it out to them because maybe they don't even realize that they are doing it? Something to think about I guess...
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
A Southern Hold
Well, I have come to realize in the last couple of days how much I truly miss living in the south, living in Texas to be exact. When I first moved there, I was a little weary because I have never lived anywhere outside of Wisconsin. I was also a little nervous because I am really bad at meeting new people. In fact, if it weren't for my husband, I wouldn't have met some people down there that I consider lifelong friends, even family. I never wanted to leave the house because I get too nervous!
It didn't take long for us to meet our neighbors on our street. Actually, it was less than a week and we had pretty much met everybody! It's completely true what they say about "southern hospitality". I have never lived anywhere, where people are so kind, caring, and welcoming. I miss living on a street where we all looked out for each other. My husband works out of town a lot, and my neighbors knew that so it was nothing for them to come and check on me if a storm was coming, or to grab something at the store for me if they were already going, or even watching my kids while I ran an errand. I miss the cookouts we would have nearly every weekend, the adults cooking and enjoying each others company while the kids played outside. It's literally the type of street that you hope you can raise your kids. I mean, there were some downfalls, as far as crimes (nothing too serious thank the lord!) But all in all, it was the ideal neighborhood.
The thing I miss the most though, is the dear friends I met while I was there. I still keep in touch with most of them, and hope to continue to stay in touch with them for a long, long time! I miss having so much to do, all of the activities they had in the area for the kids, and all of the sports that our kids were able to be a part of. If I were offered a chance to move back to the South, even if it was somewhere besides Texas, I honestly believe that I would take it. I mean, I LOVE Wisconsin. It's a beautiful state with a ton of wildlife and all sorts of things to do outside with the kids. It doesn't get unbearably hot (I won't talk about the cold lol!), and our family is here. But there is just something about the South that tugs on my heart. I can't quite point to what it is exactly, but it definitely has a hold on the girl!
It didn't take long for us to meet our neighbors on our street. Actually, it was less than a week and we had pretty much met everybody! It's completely true what they say about "southern hospitality". I have never lived anywhere, where people are so kind, caring, and welcoming. I miss living on a street where we all looked out for each other. My husband works out of town a lot, and my neighbors knew that so it was nothing for them to come and check on me if a storm was coming, or to grab something at the store for me if they were already going, or even watching my kids while I ran an errand. I miss the cookouts we would have nearly every weekend, the adults cooking and enjoying each others company while the kids played outside. It's literally the type of street that you hope you can raise your kids. I mean, there were some downfalls, as far as crimes (nothing too serious thank the lord!) But all in all, it was the ideal neighborhood.
The thing I miss the most though, is the dear friends I met while I was there. I still keep in touch with most of them, and hope to continue to stay in touch with them for a long, long time! I miss having so much to do, all of the activities they had in the area for the kids, and all of the sports that our kids were able to be a part of. If I were offered a chance to move back to the South, even if it was somewhere besides Texas, I honestly believe that I would take it. I mean, I LOVE Wisconsin. It's a beautiful state with a ton of wildlife and all sorts of things to do outside with the kids. It doesn't get unbearably hot (I won't talk about the cold lol!), and our family is here. But there is just something about the South that tugs on my heart. I can't quite point to what it is exactly, but it definitely has a hold on the girl!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Being Grateful...
The past week I have really been thinking about different ways that I can show and teach my kids how to be grateful. I think my biggest fear is having children that feel entitled to everything. My husband and I are fortunate enough to be able to provide our children with nice things and most things that they want. I've heard from numerous people that my children "want for nothing." After hearing this (which, was fairly recently), it made me start thinking and really paying attention to how my children react when they get a gift. And sadly to say, I've realized that they are starting to feel entitled to things. For instance, whenever we go to a store, whether it's a gas station, a grocery store, or a department store, they seem to think that they should get something. I know that my husband and I are to blame for that. We are not perfect and we like to buy our kids things. I mean, seriously, what parent doesn't? With that being said though, things are going to change. My children will no longer be getting something every single time we go to a store. I want them to appreciate the things that they do get instead of playing with a toy that they BEGGED for for a week, and then watching it sit in a closet.
Now don't get me wrong, my children do work for some of the things that they get. They have daily chores that they are responsible for and they earn money for doing their chores. My son saved up enough of his own money to be able to buy an iPod Touch. I was VERY proud of him for that. I want them to understand that you have to work for the things you want in life, whether it's something materialistic OR something emotionally gratifying.
There is a family that I have become very close to within the past two years, and to be honest, I consider the mother of this family to be one of my best friends. This is the most appreciating family that I have EVER met. I have commented to her numerous times about how grateful they all are! Even her and her husband, they thank each other for the littelst things that I wouldn't even think of thanking my husband for! This family has had a MAJOR influence on me and the way I want my relationship with my husband and children to be, and how I want our family to function. Their little girls are some of the most polite children I have ever come across and they are truly grateful for everything. I understand that gratitude is not something you are born with and that it is something learned and taught (and if you do it right, something taught at a young age.) I must say that this family is doing it right because all of her girls are under the age of 10. It's unbelievable to see chldren that have that much gratitude at such a young age.
I hope to be able to instill gratitude upond my children the same way she has with hers. I am currently looking into ways to teach this to my children and I'm SO excited to take this journey with them. Also, I want to thank my friend Ashley, for showing me how to be grateful for even the small things and having SUCH an impact on every aspect of my life. You really don't know how much your friendship means to me!
Now don't get me wrong, my children do work for some of the things that they get. They have daily chores that they are responsible for and they earn money for doing their chores. My son saved up enough of his own money to be able to buy an iPod Touch. I was VERY proud of him for that. I want them to understand that you have to work for the things you want in life, whether it's something materialistic OR something emotionally gratifying.
There is a family that I have become very close to within the past two years, and to be honest, I consider the mother of this family to be one of my best friends. This is the most appreciating family that I have EVER met. I have commented to her numerous times about how grateful they all are! Even her and her husband, they thank each other for the littelst things that I wouldn't even think of thanking my husband for! This family has had a MAJOR influence on me and the way I want my relationship with my husband and children to be, and how I want our family to function. Their little girls are some of the most polite children I have ever come across and they are truly grateful for everything. I understand that gratitude is not something you are born with and that it is something learned and taught (and if you do it right, something taught at a young age.) I must say that this family is doing it right because all of her girls are under the age of 10. It's unbelievable to see chldren that have that much gratitude at such a young age.
I hope to be able to instill gratitude upond my children the same way she has with hers. I am currently looking into ways to teach this to my children and I'm SO excited to take this journey with them. Also, I want to thank my friend Ashley, for showing me how to be grateful for even the small things and having SUCH an impact on every aspect of my life. You really don't know how much your friendship means to me!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Kickin' My Own Butt...
So I have recently come to realize that I kick my own ass every single day. It's like I have my own worst critic in the back of my head everyday, constantly criticizing every parenting, relationship, and school decision I make. Why don't you play with your kids more instead of doing homework? Why don't you clean the house more instead of playing with the kids? Why aren't you doing homework instead of getting to bed early? Why aren't you getting more sleep instead of doing your homework?
It's like a vicious cycle that I can't seem to quit. Part of me thinks it would be easier if I just got a job outside of the home....which I want to do very bad because I want to start using the skills that I have developed and my college education. Then, the other part of me wants to stay home with the kids while they are still young and impressionable so I know that they are having good morals instilled in them and they aren't spending more time with the babysitter than their own parents. What makes it even more difficult is the fact that I'm at home by myself with the kids most times. So not only do I have to play Mom (and where all the hats that come with that role), but I also have to play Dad during the week, and be a college student as well.
Every night, after I give my sweet babies a kiss and hug and get them all snug in their beds, I think about all of the things I "should have" done with them instead of what I did do that day. I tell myself that I could have done this better, or done that better, or this could have waited or that, because they are only little for so long. I question every decision I make, every single day. As I'm sure most mothers do. I just have a really hard time dealing with it at the moment. I didn't know being a mom could make you feel so much guilt every single day.
I never thought that being a mother was going to be easy, but I definitely did NOT think it was going to be this hard either, especially being a stay at home mom. Being a mother is the most difficult job there is on this beautiful earth of ours, but it is definitely the most rewarding. My kids make me happier than I have ever been. They make me smile and laugh every single day, and I love being able to see the world from their perspective. I just want them to grow up with open minds and open hearts, and I want to know that the way my husband and I are raising them is the right way. I know there is no answer to that, and I'm sure we are doing a great job. I just need to learn to not question my decisions so much and trust in myself that I am doing the best I can do, and being the best mom and wife I know how to be.
It's like a vicious cycle that I can't seem to quit. Part of me thinks it would be easier if I just got a job outside of the home....which I want to do very bad because I want to start using the skills that I have developed and my college education. Then, the other part of me wants to stay home with the kids while they are still young and impressionable so I know that they are having good morals instilled in them and they aren't spending more time with the babysitter than their own parents. What makes it even more difficult is the fact that I'm at home by myself with the kids most times. So not only do I have to play Mom (and where all the hats that come with that role), but I also have to play Dad during the week, and be a college student as well.
Every night, after I give my sweet babies a kiss and hug and get them all snug in their beds, I think about all of the things I "should have" done with them instead of what I did do that day. I tell myself that I could have done this better, or done that better, or this could have waited or that, because they are only little for so long. I question every decision I make, every single day. As I'm sure most mothers do. I just have a really hard time dealing with it at the moment. I didn't know being a mom could make you feel so much guilt every single day.
I never thought that being a mother was going to be easy, but I definitely did NOT think it was going to be this hard either, especially being a stay at home mom. Being a mother is the most difficult job there is on this beautiful earth of ours, but it is definitely the most rewarding. My kids make me happier than I have ever been. They make me smile and laugh every single day, and I love being able to see the world from their perspective. I just want them to grow up with open minds and open hearts, and I want to know that the way my husband and I are raising them is the right way. I know there is no answer to that, and I'm sure we are doing a great job. I just need to learn to not question my decisions so much and trust in myself that I am doing the best I can do, and being the best mom and wife I know how to be.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Laundry, Lizards, and Lifetime Fears
Who knew you could have such crazy adventures doing laundry?! I was going about my normal business, getting the clothes washed before the beginning of a regular week. My husband needed his work uniforms washed and my children needed their school uniforms washed. After everybody is tucked into bed, I'm still awake finishing up the laundry.
I'm waiting for the last load in the dryer so I can fold it and put it away before I crash in bed for the night. The dryer finishes and I, of course, open the door to start folding. I noticed something fall out of the dryer, and I didn't really pay too much attention because I wanted to finish it and be done. I fold the entire load, and that is when something catches my eye.
You know how when your dryer catches sometimes on clothes or on a dryer sheet and it leaves kind of a burnt mark on the piece of clothes or the dryer sheet? Well, as I look down it looks like a piece of fabric that has been a little burnt in the dryer. (Hey, I'm not claiming that my eyesight is the best, you can ask my optometrist if you want!) Anyway, I see the object and bend down to pick it up. It took me no more than 5 seconds to realize what I am holding in my hand is a dried (and I'm assuming washed) LIZARD!!!! I immediately throw it down, jumping up and down in my laundry room screaming. I run OUT of the laundry room and start scrubbing my hands obsessively and that's when I realized that I still had to get that disgusting little thing out of there!
I managed to work up enough courage to grab a plastic bag and pick up the lizard with that, running as fast as I can to the garbage can. Anyway, the point of my story is that I am now terrified of doing laundry in my own house and I can't help but think about how many other creepy crawly things are in here!
I'm waiting for the last load in the dryer so I can fold it and put it away before I crash in bed for the night. The dryer finishes and I, of course, open the door to start folding. I noticed something fall out of the dryer, and I didn't really pay too much attention because I wanted to finish it and be done. I fold the entire load, and that is when something catches my eye.
You know how when your dryer catches sometimes on clothes or on a dryer sheet and it leaves kind of a burnt mark on the piece of clothes or the dryer sheet? Well, as I look down it looks like a piece of fabric that has been a little burnt in the dryer. (Hey, I'm not claiming that my eyesight is the best, you can ask my optometrist if you want!) Anyway, I see the object and bend down to pick it up. It took me no more than 5 seconds to realize what I am holding in my hand is a dried (and I'm assuming washed) LIZARD!!!! I immediately throw it down, jumping up and down in my laundry room screaming. I run OUT of the laundry room and start scrubbing my hands obsessively and that's when I realized that I still had to get that disgusting little thing out of there!
I managed to work up enough courage to grab a plastic bag and pick up the lizard with that, running as fast as I can to the garbage can. Anyway, the point of my story is that I am now terrified of doing laundry in my own house and I can't help but think about how many other creepy crawly things are in here!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Negative Nancy
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you don't feel supported? I do, more often than I should in my opinion. I'm sort of a free-spirit who moves in all sorts of different directions. Something catches my attention, and I'm off on a mad dash to do whatever it is until the next thing catches my attention. If you know me well, then you know that I'm like that.
What's really frustrating to me is when people don't support me. Especially those that mean the most to me. Yeah, it's true; I may not stick with something for a long time...usually until I get bored with it, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't support me while I am doing it.
I normally try to surround myself with people who make me happy, people who see the best in me and I in them. Most days, I'm really good about it, but (and I'm sure everybody has them), I have those days where I feel like no matter what I do, it's not good enough, or that I am not good enough to be doing it.
What do you do to help yourself out of these little funks? How do you explain to those that mean the most to you that all you want is their support and encourgement?
What's really frustrating to me is when people don't support me. Especially those that mean the most to me. Yeah, it's true; I may not stick with something for a long time...usually until I get bored with it, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't support me while I am doing it.
I normally try to surround myself with people who make me happy, people who see the best in me and I in them. Most days, I'm really good about it, but (and I'm sure everybody has them), I have those days where I feel like no matter what I do, it's not good enough, or that I am not good enough to be doing it.
What do you do to help yourself out of these little funks? How do you explain to those that mean the most to you that all you want is their support and encourgement?
This Is Me....
I'm a 27 (soon to be 28) year old mother of two wonderful children. My family has just recently moved to Texas from Wisconsin for my husband's job. Yes, that's right folks...I'm a liberal, tree-hugging yankee who now lives in one of our great nation's most conservative states....dun, dun, dun!!
Don't get me wrong, we love it down here! We have met some wonderful people on our Southern journey so far and the kids have made some awesome friends! From what I can tell, we will be down here for quite some time, however; I'm not opposed to moving again. I want to be able to see all kinds of places and experience new things all the time. And as far as I'm concerned, if my husband's job gives us that opportunity, we may as well hold on for the ride!
I'm starting this blog, well, mainly for someplace to put all of my random thoughts, and crazy ideas, but also to have a place to keep our memories. A place where I can record our life adventures, whether they are good, bad, or ugly. A place where I can keep these memories for my children and family. I would be fibbing if I wasn't to say that I'm a little nervous about starting this because, honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. So I say this to you, my fellow bloggers (if I actually do ever get any followers), I hope you enjoy my life and all of its crazy antics that tend to follow it.
How many of you were unsure of how to start your blog? Or how many of you had no idea what to write? What helped you?
Don't get me wrong, we love it down here! We have met some wonderful people on our Southern journey so far and the kids have made some awesome friends! From what I can tell, we will be down here for quite some time, however; I'm not opposed to moving again. I want to be able to see all kinds of places and experience new things all the time. And as far as I'm concerned, if my husband's job gives us that opportunity, we may as well hold on for the ride!
I'm starting this blog, well, mainly for someplace to put all of my random thoughts, and crazy ideas, but also to have a place to keep our memories. A place where I can record our life adventures, whether they are good, bad, or ugly. A place where I can keep these memories for my children and family. I would be fibbing if I wasn't to say that I'm a little nervous about starting this because, honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. So I say this to you, my fellow bloggers (if I actually do ever get any followers), I hope you enjoy my life and all of its crazy antics that tend to follow it.
How many of you were unsure of how to start your blog? Or how many of you had no idea what to write? What helped you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)